– and why it doesn’t get any easier!

Quite possibly, by the time you read this, I will have had our fourth child and finally put to an end the conundrum of where to have him. After the slight mishap with the last baby – who decided to stop breathing 20 minutes after having arrived in the world, and had to be resuscitated before being whisked to hospital – my husband has been understandably rather anxious and insisted that this one should arrive in hospital.

As a disabled woman, my whole birth experience has been very mixed. Number one son arrived safe and sound with me lying on my back protesting. Number two arrived after a 50 mile emergency dash to the nearest major hospital, following a minor problem; he was born with me on my back, begging and screaming to be allowed to shift position, as lying on my back during labour hurts. Not only does it hurt, it is absolute agony for me and the very worse position to be in!

As I have the fortune – or misfortune – to have rather short labours, the options for pain relief are limited; for this reason, we chose to have number three at home. We also live in a very rural location, so the hospital isn’t exactly on our doorstep and I might not get there in time! After being assured they would accommodate my needs, though, we decided upon a hospital birth for number four.

A couple of weeks ago I had a chance to discuss the various options with a member of the hospital staff.

“Could I have a pressure relieving mattress?” I asked. “I won’t be able to turn over.” (Also standard mattresses feel as comfy as sitting on a bag of stones.)

“All our mattresses are fully adjustable,” came the reply. Hmm! Not what I was hoping for.

“Please don’t put me on my back,” I then said.

“Well, of course we shall do our best to accommodate this, but we will if we have to,” they replied.

No, I thought. You won’t!

Finally she asked: “So, you are pretty mobile then?”

“Yes’ I replied, not sure what she meant by this, “but I won’t be able to stand up, you know.”

I left wondering if we had had the same conversation. Despite supposedly having read my notes she seemed to have very little awareness of my needs. I felt confused and uneasy at the whole thing and not particularly reassured!

The medical profession still doesn’t realise that one size doesn’t fit all, and that we are made more disabled by their failure to understand the social model of disability. I am not just a medical package that needs to be squeezed into their expectation and presentation of a condition. I am an individual. I am Me! So will I have the baby in hospital or at home? I will find out in the next few weeks, that’s for sure!

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