…Loses Her Mona Lisa Smile
Keeping your dignity’s not always an option when the world takes you by surprise
Despite life’s surprises over the last few years, I’ve always tried to maintain a certain level of dignity – or could that really be vanity and pride in disguise? Being honest, I give off a certain level of smugness when talking to friends: “Fallen out of my chair, in public? Oh no, not me, I’ve never done that,” I say, with a Mona Lisa smile.
Granted I’ve fallen at home many times, and once did a back flip against the back door that left me stuck between the bin and the recycling, but no one apart from my husband has ever seen it because I always brush down very well and sail onwards as if nothing’s happened.
Of course, all good things come to an end eventually, so my enviable record of not humiliating myself in public bade a final farewell on a recent trip to Liverpool. I’d booked a room at the Crowne Plaza, Liverpool’s premier hotel (so I’m told), and – indeed – the Concierge met us on arrival and took our bags up to our room. About an hour later we were getting refreshments in the lounge, which was when my husband realised we had left something vital in the car. “Don’t worry,” I said. “I’ll pop out and get it.” As you do.
Liverpool’s Crowne Plaza hotel has a revolving door. Not a big revolving door, nor is it a fast revolving door; in fact, when it comes to revolving doors, it’s fairly unremarkable. I can assure you that, over the years, I’ve successfully negotiated far more challenging revolving doors with ease – which made it all the more galling when I was caught out by one that seemed the most innocuous in the world.
Within about two seconds of entering the door, I had that sudden horrible feeling you get just before you flip over. There was a mad scramble to grab anything in a vain effort to stop gravity doing its worst, but by then it was no good – once you’re gone, you’re gone! With a whack on the back of my head, I was suddenly jammed a couple of inches from the floor with my legs dangling over my head and my backside flying high. Maybe dignity saw me coming and ran through the revolving door without waiting for me?
Needless to say my husband was totally oblivious to the whole incident, as usual. Luckily, within seconds, three men appeared. One squeezed into the door with me and then between them, they pulled me up and out. You can imagine I was feeling so very “dignified,” my face was burning with embarrassment and I felt very stupid!
How it happened I shall never know, but I nursed the bruises for a week. As for my smugness, let’s just say it’s something I no longer indulge in – a bad habit best now forgotten!