Why Do Some People Think They Can Say What They Like About Disabled People?

Lorraine has some great news.

Life’s a funny old thing, isn’t it? It doesn’t seem to matter how much we think we’re in control, life throws in various unknowns along the way – just to keep things interesting.

Sometimes I think it might be quite nice to lead a steady, reliable sort of ordinary kind of life. You see, I used to be one of those people who was so organised; I had these terrific five year plans where I would map out my career, finances and personal life with Great Expectations. The only thing is, since we got into the 21st century, nothing has gone according to plan, and I’ve had to forget all the grand designs – they’re worthless.

So following on from that I can announce I’m pregnant… again! If I were to say we were amazed it would be an understatement. We are simply shocked and flabbergasted, but here we are looking at the birth of our third child in mid October. What can I say? Of course I’m pleased, thrilled, and excited – but it wasn’t in the grand plan for 2008, that’s for sure!

Unfortunately I’ve had some negative reactions from family members and now I feel less than inclined to even mention it. My surprise and excitement has been blunted. Now it all seems just a bit awkward.

I would have thought unpleasant comments about my ability to parent in particular were uncalled for – actually I do a pretty decent job on the whole. Just because I’m not as physically able as some people doesn’t mean that I’m totally incapable of being a parent – but then, it probably does seem like that to some unenlightened individuals. In my own experience there are always ways and means of getting things done; sometimes you just have to be more creative in your thinking, that’s all.

So don’t ask me “How will you manage?” Don’t even think it! I’ve already had several people say that and, you know, it’s a bit insulting to say the least. This is one of those life affirming events when, even if you are surprised like us, you really want people to say: “That’s wonderful! Marvellous! Congratulations! Well done!” Because the creation of life is wonderful and marvellous, isn’t it? Yet people think they can say anything they like to me and my husband and actually it hurts a bit – well, sometimes. If nothing else it shows a lack of respect, not just for me but for anyone who is disabled. As my husband retorts exasperatedly: “Of course we will manage. It’s not like we’re living in a shack in the middle of Africa with eight kids and no drinking water.”

It’s just going to be a bit more of a challenge than I was expecting! And I can’t resist a challenge can I?