I  like to think that being a disabled parent of little boys is no more challenging for me than it would be for anyone else.
Most of the time this thought works well. I do the things that all parents do and don’t think twice about it. Of course I am constantly dealing with certain attitudes, especially from healthcare workers who tend to greet me with raised eyebrows – female, wheelchair, baby – before composing themselves again. Disabled people having children still seem to be a rarity for them, which is odd because I know loads, so they do exist!


My husband is now used to having people talk to him rather than me and always makes a huge point of deferring to me in such situations. I’ve long since realised that it’s going to take more than just me to change attitudes and opinions, but it’s coming along slowly. However my biggest issue has to be access. How many times do I have to drag my husband along to something because I can’t get myself and the baby into the premises? Too often that’s for sure. So, do I make a huge fuss every time or just go with the flow?


Recently I was invited to attend the local breast feeding group. Because I never get to go to things much, I decided to make it a date. Experience, however, means that I always do a little survey of a new venue well in advance, because I’m rightly suspicious of how “accessible” places really are. All too often, I’ve discovered that “child friendly” does not automatically mean “wheelchair friendly”. As it turns out, this breast feeding group holds its meetings in a building built in around 1965; that means there are several big steps that I can’t get up without help, while parking is only available on a busy road.


I am certainly not amused about this. On my first visit I took my long suffering husband along, just so I could get in through the door. You can guess how heads turned when he walked in carrying the baby, but he just shrugged, smiled and pottered off to read his newspaper for an hour.


Since then I have sourced a big ramp that we intend to put down and leave for the next few months, as I’d quite like to go there on my own. I’m not sure that people understand how I want to do attend these sort of meetings without my husband hovering about; that I just want to do normal “mumsy” things and enjoy a bit of girl talk!


Yes, there are more challenges as a disabled person with a new baby. There are obstacles to overcome, and I certainly can’t take for granted the things that other new mums do. That said, I have also found that people are overwhelmingly helpful and accommodating once they understand my needs. They are ever eager to rectify an awkward situation and put me at my ease. A bit of help, as they say, is worth a ton of pity. The pity I can do without.

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