Ruben Carol
Receiving a diagnosis or facing a traumatic injury can be a life-altering experience, not only for the individual directly affected but also for their friends and loved ones. In particular, parents of disabled children can find themselves thrust into a world of uncertainty, facing a myriad of challenges that can seem overwhelming.
When a child receives a diagnosis or is born with a disability, parents are confronted with a range of emotions — grief, fear, and uncertainty about the future. Their dreams and expectations for their child may shift, replaced by a sense of loss and apprehension. What these parents truly need, is not pity or even sympathy, but the embrace of empathy and support for their child to live a full and valued life.
The initial response from others is often one of pity: “Oh, I’m so sorry,” or “I can’t imagine how difficult that must be.” While these sentiments may be well-intentioned, they fall short, and fail to acknowledge the strength and resilience of parents and their children. Unfortunately, many parents of disabled children find themselves facing stigma, discrimination, and a lack of understanding. While these remarks may be intended as compliments they can inadvertently reinforce negative stereotypes.
A more empathic response might be: “This must be very difficult for you”, which focuses on feelings, rather than implying that disability, in any of its forms, means that you can never experience being happy again.
What parents of disabled children need is not admiration for their perceived strength or resilience, but empathy, inclusion, compassion, and an empowering approach, where they can connect with others who understand that all children have unique journeys.
We should all strive to create a more inclusive and supportive environment for parents of disabled children; one that recognises their unique challenges and celebrates their resilience and strength. More importantly, we must challenge ableism and stereotypes, promote empathy and understanding, and advocate for policies and services that meet the diverse needs of families living with disabilities.
The journey of parenting a disabled child is undertaken with love and resilience and is further enriched by the empathy of others.
About Ruben Carol
Ruben is a disability access and inclusion specialist, trainer and facilitator and has had the pleasure of training organisations, including TfL and Uber.
He’s also an actor, VO artist, and public speaker. Appearances include Good Omens, His Dark Materials and Doctors.
You can find him on Facebook and Instagram @Ruben.Carol.Actor
